Feline Conundrum
by WynterSky
Summary: Itachi has a bit of an accident, and ends up not only changed into a cat but in the hands of Team Hebi.
1. Chapter 1

[A/N: Just so you know I'm not dead, here's part of a one-shot I've been working on. Hopefully I'll be able to update some of my multichapter fics within the next couple of days.]

Itachi's first thought, when he woke up, was that everything around him was strangely large.

His second thought, as he caught a glimpse of himself in a nearby puddle, was _great Kyuubi I've been turned into a cat._

Backing away from the puddle, he looked around in confusion. The last thing he remembered was heading towards Fire country, where he had been going to fight his brother. There was a rather large blank space after that, in which something must have happened to cause his current predicament.

Itachi could still activate the fundamental form of the Sharingan, he discovered, although it did little to help him find out what was going on. He didn't seem to be trapped in a henge or any kind of genjutsu.

Another pressing question was, where was he now? From his now much shorter vantage point, he couldn't recognize the forest he was in.

Itachi was so distracted by the trees that he didn't register the heavy footprints coming up behind him as a threat until he was unceremoniously grabbed around the middle by a pair of large hands.

Yowling, Itachi scratched at the hands, trying to squirm around so he could get a good look at his captor. Whoever it was, they were both strong and bulky, and Itachi soon gave up struggling as whoever had grabbed him clutched him tightly to their chest. Never mind freedom, he just wanted to breathe at the moment.

"What's that, Juugo?" a girl's voice said.

"It's a cat. I found him, look."

Itachi fought the urge to panic as Juugo held him out at arm's length for the girl's inspection. Normally he wouldn't be scared of a four-foot drop, but he wasn't very big right now, and he still couldn't work this body quite right.

The girl reached out to rub behind Itachi's ears, which felt much better than it should have and Itachi purred a little despite himself. The light glinted off her glasses, and Itachi stared curiously at her red hair, wondering why on earth she couldn't keep it brushed on both sides. "He's kind of cute," the girl said.

"I'm going to call him Kitty," Juugo announced, hugging Itachi close again. Itachi rolled his eyes. _Kitty_, honestly?

"What is that, Karin?" another voice said, and Itachi froze. It couldn't be…

"It's a cat, Sasuke," Karin replied, somehow managing to make such a simple statement sound flirtatious. "Juugo found it."

"Can I keep it?" Juugo asked.

Sasuke stalked past, barely sparing Itachi a glance. "Fine, just keep it out of my way."

Itachi stared at his brother's back for the rest of the day.

…

It was rather odd sitting in front of a campfire while listening to several people blithely discussing how they were going to kill you, Itachi soon realized. At least Sasuke seemed all right, although he acted rather apathetic about everything that didn't involve Itachi's death. The teammates he had gathered, while a little on the odd side, were definitely tolerable. Itachi did find Suigetsu a bit disturbing, though, with the fangs and the sword and the bloodthirsty aura. It was one thing facing down homicidal ninjas while one was astronomically above their level, but it was quite another when one was small, unable to use jutsu, and in the form of a cat.

A ragged strip of fabric suddenly dangled in front of Itachi's face. Backing up so it wouldn't hit him on the nose, Itachi looked up at Juugo, who was waving the strip of fabric at him, a hopeful smile on his face. _No way,_ Itachi thought, laying down again. _I may be stuck in a cat's body, but there is no way I am playing with cat toys._

"He doesn't want to play, Karin-san," Juugo said after a minute or so of fruitlessly waving the fabric around.

"Maybe he's hungry," Karin suggested, not looking away from Sasuke.

Juugo began rummaging through the packs, followed by Itachi. _Maybe there's dango._

There wasn't dango, of course. Nothing had been going right for Itachi lately. Itachi stared unhappily at the strips of dried meat before resignedly starting to chew on one. He was hungry, and he had to eat something; the dango would just have to wait until he got his real body back, whenever that was.

Karin wandered over eventually and began rubbing behind his ears again. Itachi firmly told himself not to enjoy it, that he wasn't a cat and he shouldn't be reacting like that, but he still ended up pressing harder into her touch and purring. "Aww, aren't you a good kitty?" Karin cooed in a saccharine voice, scooping Itachi up in her arms so that he faced her. Suddenly she frowned. "That's funny. Your cat's eyes are red, Juugo," she remarked. "They're kind of pretty."

Before Itachi could quite register what had just been said, he was grabbed by the scruff of the neck, yanked out of Karin's grip, and held face to face with his brother.

_I'm going to die,_ was Itachi's only clear thought. He had been resigned to it for years, of course, but this was such a _stupid_ way to go!

Sasuke's own Sharingan whirled as he inspected Itachi with narrowed eyes. Itachi did his best not to squirm in the uncomfortable grip.

Finally Sasuke relaxed, although he still held Itachi in his arms. "Karin, do you know whether Orochimaru ever did any experiments on cats?"

…

After the unexpected reprieve, Itachi found himself the subject of a great deal of his brother's attention. This was nice, but rather nerve-wracking, as well. He enjoyed the chance to be close to Sasuke without having to fight with him, but the knowledge that if Sasuke put the correct two and two together and figured out who he was Itachi would be dead before he could say _meow_ wasn't exactly comforting. For the moment, however, he tried not to worry about that.

Luckily, Orochimaru had performed experiments on cats, which Karin confirmed, and Sasuke seemed to be believing that explanation for now. Currently, Sasuke was carrying Itachi as Sasuke's team, aptly named Hebi, travelled in search of…Itachi. _I'm right here, you know, _Itachi thought absently. _Lot of good that does, though._

"Check again, Karin," Sasuke said after a few hours. "I want to make sure we're still headed in the right direction."

_Check? Check what_? Itachi thought. Then he noticed the odd fluctuation of Karin's chakra. _Oh great. A sensor._ He tried to discreetly escape from Sasuke's grip and failed. _I just hope Kisame remembers where I told him he could find my will…_

"Um, Sasuke?" Karin said after a few seconds, with a nervous giggle. "Itachi's chakra is…coming from your cat."

Itachi promptly found himself being held roughly by the scruff of the neck again. _Farewell, cruel world…_

Sasuke smiled maliciously as Itachi wriggled in his grasp. "Well, what do you know…you know what, I think I like you this way."

That definitely did not bode well at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Much to Itachi's surprise, Sasuke didn't immediately fry him or gut him or both simultaneously as he had expected. It seemed that like his brother, Sasuke appreciated the irony of the great genius Itachi being trapped in the form of something as non-threatening as a housecat. Unlike Itachi, however, Sasuke wanted to take advantage of that irony for all it was worth.

Itachi didn't like the way Sasuke petted him; his brother's hands were deliberately rough and elicited none of the pleasant sensations from when Karin petted him. Still, it was Sasuke, so Itachi determined to endure it; in any case his death would likely be less painful in this form than it would have been if they had truly battled. The illness that had ravaged Itachi for years did not seem to affect him in this body, which was a small comfort.

The thought that Sasuke would most likely kill him as soon as he ceased to be amused by tormenting him was much less comforting. Although Karin and Juugo occasionally looked over at Sasuke and his new 'pet' unhappily, it was clear that neither of them dared say anything.

Sasuke didn't seem to have much of a plan for him at the moment; perhaps he thought he wouldn't get much in the way of bragging rights if he killed his brother while Itachi was in the shape of a cat, and not a very large cat at that.

Itachi didn't have much of a plan either, frankly. He would have been in a better position if he could use the Mangekyou, but apparently since Shisui had not been a cat his sacrifice didn't do any good when Itachi was in this form. In any case, even if he could escape Itachi didn't have any idea what he would do afterwards. He didn't have any clues as to who could have done this (Orochimaru was out, and Itachi wasn't sure Madara was imaginative enough to think of something like this) nor how it would have been done. If Sasuke didn't feel like committing fratricide at the moment, Itachi was probably safest with his little brother's team; Sasuke would at least be motivated to prevent anyone else from offing Itachi before he could.

Sasuke's hand came a little too close to Itachi's face, and Itachi nipped warningly at a finger. Beloved little brother or no, having his tail pulled had _hurt_! Hadn't he taught Sasuke not to do that when he was little?

Sasuke slapped back at him and Itachi dodged a little too late, not having become accustomed to this body well enough for his reflexes to be anywhere near their former speed. Sasuke had not taken Itachi's kitten size into account either, and the force of the blow left Itachi dizzy. Instinctually—_oh kami, now I'm getting a cat's _mind_ too_—he dug his claws into the fabric of Sasuke's pants for stability, only to get snatched off and casually dumped to the ground.

Juugo scooped him up a moment later, and Itachi found himself actually thankful for it.

After making certain that Itachi was not going to be going anywhere, Sasuke apparently lost interest in him for the moment in favor of the preparations being made for the night. Itachi supposed this was an improvement. At least, he did until he realized that 'preparations for the night' included stuffing him in a basket that Karin had found somewhere.

It wasn't a very large basket, but then Itachi was not a very large cat, so his ears only just brushed the lid when he sat up. He scratched indignantly at the woven bamboo surface, but his claws barely made marks on it, let alone tearing his way out. He couldn't push the lid up either; he'd already tried that and found that the basket had been tied securely shut.

From what little Itachi could see through gaps in the basket's walls, he could tell he was in Sasuke's tent. Sighing a little—which really came out as more of a soft mewing sound, much to his annoyance—he curled up on the bottom of the basket and tried to get to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

[A/N: Decided to put up a short update so I had a better starting point for the next section.]

3.

Itachi was still curled up drowsily on the bottom of the basket when Sasuke picked it up. Jolted fully awake, Itachi jumped and hit his head on the lid before remembering all that had happened. Flicking his ears indignantly, he curled back up and began grooming his paws. He thought it rather demeaning to resort to a cat's mannerisms, but he didn't want to risk getting splinters from the basket.

The lid of the basket was lifted about a half-inch, and Itachi quickly pulled his paw away from his mouth as Sasuke peeked inside. "Good morning, aniki," Sasuke said mockingly. "And how are you today?" Itachi hissed at him, and Sasuke smirked. "So _rude!_ But at least I won't have to put up with you much longer."

Sasuke closed the basket again before Itachi could try to stick a paw out and swipe at him. While Itachi didn't really have a problem with Sasuke killing him—which was probably a problem in and of itself, honestly—he had started to hope he might at least be decent enough not to harm him while he was a cat. That it didn't look that way was rather worrying. Sasuke seemed to have gone from 'kind-of okay kid who just _really_ wants to kill his brother' to 'not at all okay teenager with serious issues who _still_ really wants to kill his brother and has no problem with doing horrible things to a kitten in order to do so' during the time he'd spent with Orochimaru. Which, considering Orochimaru, wasn't that unexpected, and this was partly Itachi's fault, anyway.

Itachi was somewhat distracted from his inner monologue when he noticed something moving just at the edge of his range of vision. He swiped at it a few times, but missed, and the thing kept waving tauntingly back and forth right where he could _just_ see it. Gathering himself, Itachi pounced—only to find that he had just captured his own tail. And wasn't _that_ embarrassing. When Itachi peeked through a gap in the basket to check, Sasuke didn't appear to have noticed, which was a relief.

A few moments later, Sasuke picked up the basket with what Itachi was sure was deliberate carelessness. Itachi was jolted to one side and clawed at the bottom of the basket to keep his balance.

"So…where are we going now, Sasuke-kun?" Karin asked, walking up beside them.

Sasuke did not grace her with a reply, and after several seconds Karin walked away, muttering petulantly. Itachi could guess one of the reasons why Sasuke hadn't answered Karin; now that he had his brother in his grasp, Sasuke didn't have any real reason to go anywhere.

If that was so, maybe he would go back to Konoha. Itachi had never wanted him to leave in the first place, but then Orochimaru _had_ to get involved and ruin everything.

Sighing again, Itachi curled up on the side of the basket, which was now where the bottom should have been due to the way Sasuke was carrying it, and began poking idly with one claw at a loose string. His tiny kitten body was tired again, even though he'd hardly been doing anything, and soon he was curled up in a black, furry little ball, fast asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

[A/N: Trying to keep my mind off school starting tomorrow by writing, hence the update.]

4.

Itachi woke with a start when his basket was dropped to the ground with a jolt. The bump threw him across the basket and left him dizzily trying to untangle his paws and get up.

Once he had successfully regained his footing, he peeked through a small crack in the basket. He couldn't see much besides the grass his basket was sitting it, but he could smell familiar trees.

_What are we doing in Fire Country?_

Besides the trees, he could hear and smell rushing water, so it was possible that they were near the Valley of the End, which had the largest waterfall in the area. Still, Itachi couldn't think of why Sasuke would have brought his people all the way back here.

"Well," Sasuke said finally, picking up the basket, "Here we are." He gave the basket a little toss and caught it again, the impact throwing Itachi painfully into one of the sides. Itachi couldn't hold back a soft mewl as he tried to pick himself up yet again, and Sasuke laughed. "Bye-bye, aniki."

_Oh no he wouldn't. He wouldn't _seriously_ drop-kick me into a waterfall. _

Considering that this was exactly what Sasuke had just proceeded to do (ignoring Karin and Juugo's gasps of horror) Itachi was forced to recognize that yes, Sasuke _would_.

The cliffs lining the Valley of the End were quite high, and the basket was light enough that the wind gave it some lift, meaning that Itachi had a long fall to look forward to. He knew he should take steps to reduce the impact when he hit the water, but he wasn't familiar enough with feline anatomy to be sure what position would best protect his internal organs.

With only a few more seconds to go, he curled up into a ball and hoped for the best.

…

There was a heavy impact, all right, but not the chilly splash Itachi had been expecting, and the basket wasn't filling up with water. Curious, Itachi tentatively shifted his weight a little. The basket didn't shift as he would have expected it to if it were floating or caught on something, so Itachi stood up and peeked through the crack in the basket.

He couldn't see much from his vantage point except the blobby white surface the basket was sitting on. It looked a bit familiar, but Itachi couldn't quite place from where.

"Now, I wonder what this is, un?" a most definitely familiar voice said. "It's a perfectly good basket, I don't see why anybody would throw it away…"

Itachi backed across the basket as his rescuer undid the strings tying it shut, taking up a defensive crouch as the lid was opened. _Oh please don't let it be—_

"Hey, free cat, un!" Deidara exclaimed, looking into the basket.

It was at this point, as the most annoying person on earth scooped him up and rubbed behind his ears, that Itachi concluded the universe hated him. He had suspected this for some time, but it still hurt to have it definitely confirmed.


	5. Chapter 5

[A/N: Look what I updated! Also, there is a new poll on my profile, and I started a new fic inspired by the Road to Ninja movie!]

5.

_A few days later…_

Itachi yawned drowsily, pushing the blankets underneath him into a more comfortable shape before opening his eyes and blinking at the sunlight coming through the window.

_I guess things could be worse. Who knew Deidara liked cats?_

Of course, if Deidara found out his new pet was actually his Most Hated Person in the body of a helpless kitten, things would probably turn out similarly to how they had with Sasuke, except with more explosions and less chances of survival. Therefore, Itachi had been keeping an eye out for an avenue of escape. Unfortunately for this plan, Deidara was keeping the little hotel room they were staying in carefully shut. Sasori was nowhere to be seen (which was good, because the puppet master was much more astute than the mad bomber and probably would have guessed Itachi's little secret by now), so presumably they had split up for some reason. Judging by where Deidara had found Itachi, Sasori had probably left him behind and gone on a scouting mission.

…

When Deidara had first scooped Itachi out of the basket, Itachi had been decidedly apprehensive. Deidara must have seen Sasuke toss the basket off the cliff, and it probably wouldn't take him long to guess Itachi's identity. Hoping to delay that occurrence for a while, Itachi scratched at Deidara's hands until the blond dropped him back in the basket, then curled up so that Deidara wouldn't be able to get a good look at his eyes.

Deidara didn't seem particularly deterred by Itachi's aggression. "You must be scared, huh?" he said, reaching back into the basket to gently stroke Itachi's back. _Noooo you don't like him petting you! _Itachi tried to convince himself, but it felt good all the same. "I saw that stupid Uchiha kid chuck you off the cliff, un," Deidara stated. "Don't worry, I won't hurt you. I'm going to pick you up again now, okay?"

Itachi didn't resist when Deidara picked him up this time; Deidara seemed pretty sincere about not hurting him, and this way he could get some free transportation.

Deidara was a lot better at handling cats than any of Sasuke's team members had been. Sasuke had hated him, and while Juugo had obviously adored his 'pet' he obviously hadn't had the least clue how to care for a cat.

Scooping Itachi up, Deidara nestled him gently against his shoulder—Itachi could look down now, and clung to Deidara's shirt as he saw how far it was to the ground. Deidara began to tickle Itachi's furry tummy, and despite all his efforts to hold back the reflex Itachi couldn't help purring.

_Okay, this? This is just embarrassing. I have _got _to figure out what's going on here._

…

Currently, Deidara was still sleeping despite how late in the morning it was, and Itachi was curled up at the foot of the bed. Deidara had tried to sleep with his 'fwuffy kitty-kins' in his arms last night, but Itachi would have _none_ of _that_, and the blond had acquiesced after only a few scratches.

Sitting up slightly, Itachi surveyed the room. The door was closed and locked, and Itachi was much too small to get at the doorknob and unlock it. The window was also locked, but the dresser was sitting directly in front of it. With a little luck, Itachi would be able to jump from the nightstand to the dresser, and from there get to the windowsill. The lock on the window looked fairly basic and Itachi was confident he could get it open even as a cat.

They were still in Fire Country, but farther from Konoha now. Deidara had been alright to travel with, Itachi supposed, but _way_ too affectionate for Itachi's tastes. He was used to the blond quailing at his every glance, not gushing over how adorable he was. A week was long enough—it was time to part ways. Besides, Sasori was likely to return soon, and Itachi didn't think it would be smart to be around at that point. Even if Sasori didn't recognize him, Itachi knew that the puppeteer didn't like animals much at all. _Being a cat is bad enough, I don't much fancy being turned into a kitty puppet._

Creeping past the sleeping Deidara to the nightstand, Itachi gathered himself and leaped for the dresser.


	6. Chapter 6

[A/N: I just realized that in the chronology, Sasori might actually not have been around by this point…tralala, I don't care…]

6.

Itachi reached the dresser well enough, landing relatively neatly on top of Deidara's slashed Iwa headband, which he had taken off while he slept. That was where the problems started.

Once he had ascertained that Deidara was indeed still sleeping, Itachi prepared for the much shorter hop up to the windowsill. It was an easy enough jump and he made it handily, only to realize, once he had landed, that the fabric of the headband was wound around one of his back legs and the headband itself was trailing behind him.

_Well that won't do,_ Itachi thought, kicking to dislodge the offending material. That only made it tighter, and he ended up having to bite at the fabric to free his leg. Whatever the headband was made of, it didn't taste very good, and Itachi was glad it didn't take very long to get through. _And good riddance,_ he thought as he bit through the last few strands and tossed the headband away—

Only for it to hit the small mirror sitting on the dresser, knocking it to the ground with a crash. Deidara jumped, instantly awake, and Itachi curled up in the corner of the windowsill, hoping that he would be shielded from any forthcoming explosions.

Deidara looked sleepily around, then Itachi could see him relax slightly as he realized there were no intruders in the room. _Oh good, I hate the smell of C4 in the morning, _Itachi thought.

It didn't take Deidara much longer to notice that he was no longer sharing his bed. "Fluffy?" he called. "Hey Fluffy, where'd you get to?"

_And that,_ Itachi thought gloomily, _is why I can't stand Deidara. I mean, Fluffy, seriously? That's worse than Kitty, and that was awful! Am I being punished for something here?_

Distracted by his griping, Itachi didn't notice Deidara's presence until he was snatched out of the windowsill. "_There_ you are, Fluffy!" Deidara cheered, hugging Itachi close. "I would have moved the mirror if I knew you wanted to look out the window, un. You sit on the bed while I clean it up, okay?" Deidara said, depositing Itachi on the pillow and heading over to the closet to get a small brush and dustpan.

Itachi couldn't help but be a little impressed by Deidara's earnest dedication to caring for his 'pet'. He'd never paid enough attention to the young explosives expert to see this animal-loving side of him. _It'd be cute if I weren't trying to get out of here, _Itachi thought as he kneaded the pillow into a more comfortable shape to sit on. _But I guess I can wait a little longer._

…

Deidara was almost finished cleaning up the fragments of the broken mirror when there was a knock on the door. "Ow!" Deidara yelped as the sudden sound distracted him, making him cut his finger on a shard of glass. "Danna, is that you?"

"Who else would it be—open the door!"

Sasori did not sound happy, and Deidara looked worriedly up at Itachi, who was watching him work from his vantage point on the bed. "I can't let Danna find you, Fluffy," he said, scooping Itachi up and carrying him into the bathroom. "You should be fine in here as long as you're quiet, un." Giving Itachi one more rub behind the ears, Deidara left, closing the bathroom door behind him.

_And now I'm even more stuck,_ Itachi thought sulkily as he investigated the bathtub Deidara had left him in. The sides of the ceramic tub were much higher than he was and provided no purchase when he tried to jump up. _Now I'll just have to wait for Deidara to let me out._

…

Itachi found himself waiting in the bathtub for hours as Sasori and Deidara conferred in the adjacent room. He couldn't make out much of the conversation, but from the general tone Sasori seemed most displeased.

Finally, he heard the door to the hotel room open and close again. A few moments later, the door to the bathroom was quietly opened. Itachi ducked down in the bathtub in case it was Deidara who had left, and not Sasori.

"It's me, Fluffy," Deidara said, slipping into the bathroom and sitting on the side of the tub so he could pick Itachi up. "Sorry I left you in here so long. Look, I brought you something to eat, un."

Itachi's ears perked up as he noticed a very familiar smell. _Is that—?_

"I don't know if dango is really the best thing for cats, but it's all I've got right now…"

_Well, it's definitely the best thing for this particular cat,_ Itachi thought, nearly biting Deidara's finger in his rush to get to the treat. _I take back everything bad I've ever said about you,_ he resolved.

Itachi was so focused on the dango—and Deidara so focused on Itachi—that neither of them noticed when someone else entered the bathroom until Itachi was unceremoniously snatched out of Deidara's grasp.

"And what is _this_ doing here?" Sasori demanded.

[A/N: After this one is over, I'm going to make one where Sasuke is the kitty.]


	7. Chapter 7

7.

"That's just Fluffy, Danna," Deidara protested, reaching out for Itachi only for Sasori to hold him out of reach. "Give him back, un!"

"I don't recall telling you that you could have a pet," Sasori said coldly. His grip on Itachi was painfully tight, and Itachi stifled a mewl of pain. "Get rid of it."

"But—"

"Get rid of it," Sasori ordered again, tossing Itachi roughly in Deidara's direction. Luckily, the blond managed to catch him; if he hadn't, Itachi would have hit the tiled wall surrounding the bathtub, and that might have been enough to do him in while he was trapped in this fragile body.

Deidara started to protest again, but Sasori stormed out of the bathroom before he could hear any of it. Finally Deidara sighed, rubbing gently behind Itachi's ears. "Looks like this is it, Fluffy," he said ruefully. "Danna's not in a mood to be reasoned with, un."

Itachi tensed a little as Deidara stood up. So far Deidara had made no effort to harm him, but now that he had been ordered to dispose of the cat, Itachi wasn't sure what to expect.

"Here, you might as well finish this off, un," Deidara said, retrieving the stick of dango with his free hand. Itachi quickly snatched it with his paws and began eating again, not caring how messy the fur on his face was getting.

While Itachi was occupied with his favorite food, Deidara picked up one of the complimentary towels and headed out of the bedroom.

"Deidara…" Sasori said warningly, not looking up from the scroll he was reading.

"I know, I know! I'm getting rid of Fluffy just like you said, un!" Deidara retorted, slamming the door as he left the hotel room with the cat in his arms.

It was cold out now, and rain began to fall as Deidara walked behind the hotel to where the dumpster was. Itachi had finished the dango by this point, and looked around curiously, wondering what Deidara was up to.

"Wait here just a second, Fluffy," Deidara said, setting the towel down in the lee of the dumpster and depositing Itachi on top of it before climbing up on the dumpster itself. Itachi watched him in some confusion. _What on earth is he doing?_

It soon began to rain even harder, and Itachi could hear Deidara nearly slip several times as he pulled the heavy dumpster lid open. "There we go," Deidara exclaimed finally as the lid banged open. "I'll just be another minute, Fluffy."

The angle of the rain was changing, and Itachi curled up in a ball as water began to soak through his fur. He had always hated being wet, and in this form it would be difficult for him to dry off. At least he wouldn't have to worry about his illness worsening, as it had yet to affect him ever since he had woken up as a cat. That thought, while slightly reassuring, didn't make Itachi any more comfortable at the moment, though.

"Okay, all set, un!" Deidara announced, jumping down from the dumpster. "Come on Fluffy, let's go."

Before Itachi could even get up, Deidara had scooped up the towel with him still on it and deposited him in a large cardboard box. "Now, I've just got to find somewhere out of the rain to put you…Better hurry up, Danna hates waiting, un."

Itachi sniffed at the box, but to his relief it didn't smell too bad even though Deidara had pulled it out of a dumpster. The sides of the box were too high for him to see much, so he didn't have any way of knowing where the blond was carrying him. _I hope he doesn't take me to a pound…_

After a few minutes, Deidara stopped, and there was a jolt as the box was set down. Itachi looked up as Deidara leaned over the box. "You should be okay here for a while, Fluffy, since it's out of the rain." Deidara reached down to scratch Itachi's ears again, making him purr. "I'm going to miss you, Fluffy," Deidara said after a minute of petting Itachi. There was a slight hitch in his voice, and he sniffed a little. _Is he crying?_ Itachi thought. It was hard to tell, since Deidara was already soaking wet and water was dripping down his face from his sodden hair.

Ordinarily, Itachi wouldn't have cared, but the younger Akatsuki member had been surprisingly nice to him over the past few days. Mewing softly, he nuzzled Deidara's hand in a comforting gesture.

"Bye Fluffy," Deidara said finally, standing up. "Hopefully somebody nice will find you, un."

With that, the blond explosives expert turned and walked away, leaving Itachi sitting in a cardboard box under the awning in front of a store.

_Well at least I'm on my own again now,_ Itachi thought. _I should get back to work on finding some way to fix myself. But,_ he decided, curling up in the towel Deidara had left for him, _I should probably let that wait until the rain stops._

…

The rain stopped a few hours later. Itachi was fast asleep, however, and did not notice this. What he did notice was someone tripping over his box and knocking it over. Itachi yelped as he was thrown onto the side of the box in an undignified heap, tangled in the towel.

"Owww," the guilty party grumbled. "Who put this box here? It's blocking the way into the grocery store!"

_Oh good, not a pound,_ Itachi thought as he struggled to free himself from the towel.

"Are you okay?" a girl's voice said. "I know you're hungry, but you should at least look—kitty!"

_Not another cat-loving blonde,_ Itachi moaned inwardly. No sooner had he gotten loose of the towel and stepped out of the box than the girl snatched him up and held him close.

"Look, Chouji, isn't he darling?" the girl said, holding Itachi up so that her friend could see. "And he's so soft!" she cooed, rubbing her face against his fur.

By this point, Itachi had gotten a good look at his latest pair of captors. _And they're from Konoha. Could this get any worse? Wait, I should know better than to ask that by now…_

"What's up?" another voice said. Itachi knew the particulars of this team, and since Chouji and Ino were currently with him, this must be Shikamaru.

"I found a kitty!" Ino announced. "And we're going to keep him!"

_Not if I have anything to do with it you're not._

Shikamaru seemed to have the same idea. "No way, cats are…troublesome. There's hairballs, and kitty litter, and you have to remember to feed it and everything. That's way too much work. Besides, what if it has kittens?"

Itachi's mental commentary choked off as this statement sank in.

"Shikamaru," Ino said dryly, "I'm pretty sure this is a boy cat."

_Darn right it is,_ Itachi grumbled to himself. _Now let me go before this gets any more embarrassing._

"Whatever," Shikamaru said. "We're not keeping a cat."

Ino pouted.

"That's final."

A single, glistening tear coursed its way down from one of Ino's blue eyes. "Pleeeeease?"

"Okay, okay, fine!" Shikamaru conceded, sounding a bit panicky now that he was faced with a crying girl.

Ino beamed, the tears vanishing instantly. "That's wonderful, Shikamaru! Now, I wonder what we should call him…"

"We can decide on the way back to Konoha," Chouji said as he exited the store with a straining shopping bag full of snacks. "Let's go."

Itachi squirmed in Ino's grip as the three ninjas (plus one cat-shaped missing-nin) headed towards the road leaning towards Konoha. The blonde girl had a surprisingly firm hold on him, however; most Konoha shinobi learned quickly how to keep a cat from getting away. Itachi thought about scratching or biting, but decided hurting the girl wasn't worth it. _I'll just wait until I get a chance to sneak off. How hard could that be?_

__[A/N: Hey readers! I've got a super important S-rank mission for you: seek out embarrassing cat names for poor Itakitty. Go forth!]


	8. Chapter 8

[A/N: It's a regular update party, isn't it? Anyway, Itakitty's going to keep changing hands, so feel free to keep sending in embarrassing cat names.]

8.

By the next day, Itachi had mostly resigned himself to going to Konoha: actually, going back to his hometown might give him a better chance of finding some way to restore his original body. If he could make it into the old Uchiha district, there might be something in the archives that held a clue to his current condition. The Uchiha had a close affiliation with cats, which might be one of the reasons Itachi was in this form.

What he was much less resigned to, however, was being the pet of one Yamanaka Ino. He'd thought Juugo and Deidara had been overly affectionate, but Ino was even worse. She squeezed him too tight, and her high-pitched voice grated terribly on his over-sensitive hearing.

Ino wasn't carrying him right now, but to be honest Itachi was having trouble deciding whether that would have been preferable to being stuffed in the mesh toiletries bag that was currently fastened atop her pack. While at least he could breathe and there wasn't any screeching in his ears, he was surrounded by things he _really_ didn't want to investigate or think about too much, and there was something that had some kind of awful fake-floral scent to it that made him sneeze.

After the fourth or fifth such sneeze, Ino noticed his distress and stopped to take him out of the pack. "I guess you didn't like it in there, huh?" she said, rubbing him against her cheek and giggling as his whiskers tickled her face. "I need my hands free, though…"

And that was how Itachi (as a tiny black cat who was mostly composed of fluff) ended up riding tucked in Ino's partially-unbuttoned shirt as she and her team ran through the forests on the way back to Konoha. Since they were close to the village now, they weren't paying too much heed to stealth, and mostly seemed in a hurry to get home.

_Don't think about how this could get worse!_ Itachi told himself firmly. _Although honestly I don't see how, at this point. Unless Sasuke saw me like this…no, don't think about it!_

"You know," Ino called after the boys a few minutes later, "the kitty still doesn't have a name."

_Oh no, anything but that! You're shinobi, pay attention to your surroundings or something!_

"How about Yonenaga?" Shikamaru suggested.

"Is that a shougi player? Really, Shikamaru, you don't have any imagination!"

"How about Tonkatsu?" Chouji said.

"And you have too much imagination," Ino retorted. "It's a cat, it's not a snack."

The three ninja continued on for a bit in silence, and Itachi almost began to relax until Ino paused again. "I've got it!" she announced.

"What?" Shikamaru and Chouji said nearly in unison as they stopped to look back at her.

"I'm going to call him Mister Snuggles!" Ino declared. "Because he's so snuggly, aren't you Mister Snuggles?"

Itachi almost scratched her just to prove how un-snuggly he was, but decided it wasn't worth it to get on Ino's bad side now. _It's only a little further to Konoha, then I can ditch them._

…

"All right, let's go file the mission report!" Shikamaru said as they entered the gates of Konoha, striding swiftly towards the Hokage Tower. "Then we can finally get some rest."

"What about lunch?" Chouji protested.

"What about that gigantic bag of snacks you bought this morning which is now empty?" Shikamaru retorted. "I think you'll survive."

"You go on ahead without me for a bit, okay?" Ino said, pausing at an intersection. "I've got to drop Mr. Snuggles here off with my mom first."

_Oh no,_ Itachi thought as Ino skipped towards the Yamanaka family store (bouncing him uncomfortably in the process, not that he had been comfortable at any time during her possession of him), _not Ino's mother! Anything but Ino's mother!_ Mrs. Yamanaka was like Ino, but more so, and if Itachi happened to attract enough attention from any of the family to have their trademark jutsu used on him…things wouldn't end well.

Fortunately, Ino's jostling meant that she had to pause and adjust her shirt on the way, and Itachi took this opportunity to escape. His claws caught on a buttonhole in the process and she nearly managed to grab him again, but he squirmed out of her grasp and leaped to the ground.

"Nooooo! Mr. Snuggles!" Ino wailed as he bolted away. She gave chase, but the well-rested cat proved to be faster that the tired shinobi, and he could fit through smaller spaces than she could.

Once he was sure he had gotten safely away, Itachi paused to rest behind a garbage bin in a dark alley. The vague scent of food emanating from the bin reminded him how hungry he was—the last thing he'd eaten was Deidara's stick of dango. _Maybe I should have waited until she fed me. But it's too late to think about that now,_ he thought with a sigh, curling up underneath the shelter of a scrap of newspaper.

He wasn't quite sure where in Konoha he had ended up; now that he wasn't even a foot tall, all the landmarks looked different and he had trouble recognizing any of his old familiar places. However, he was sure he would at least be able to find his way to the old Uchiha district. Before he could think about that, though, he needed to find something to eat.

Nosing around under the garbage bin, he found a few discarded cans that still had a few scraps in them. It was humiliating to be reduced to this state, but with the only other option on the menu being precisely nothing, Itachi made the best of it.

He had pulled one of the cans out in the open so he could get at it better when he heard heavy pawsteps approaching from behind him. There was no time to react before the other cat loomed over him. Itachi had never felt threatened by a cat before, but now he cringed as he saw the familiar bow in the intruder's fur.

_Tora!_

Itachi relinquished the can and dove under the garbage bin again as the much larger cat took a swipe at him, claws extended. The shelter he found there was insufficient, however, as Tora's claws could still reach Itachi's hiding place. Scrambling out from under the bin, Itachi dashed away with Tora in hot pursuit.

_I should have killed that beast before I left,_ he thought regretfully as he sprinted out of the alley and into a wider, brighter street.

There weren't many places to hide here, and Itachi was by this point too tired and hungry to keep up his fast pace. Soon he could sense Tora catching up. _Uchiha Itachi, S-rank missing-nin, killed by…a tabby cat. It would have been more dignified to let Sasuke off me._


	9. Chapter 9

[A/N: I started making graphics to go with my stories, so Feline Conundrum has a cover now! What do you think?]

9.

With Tora barely a whisker-length behind, Itachi dashed across the street, hoping he might be able to duck into an open store before the much larger and more vicious cat could catch him. Luckily, he was somewhat more agile than the ponderous beast pursuing him, so he could thread his way through the passers-by in the street more easily.

"Hey, there's Tora!" Itachi heard a child shout behind him, and paused, turning to look just in time to see a trio of genin pounce on the cat. Tora yowled furiously, and Itachi decided to take the time to sit down just in the other cat's view and yawn mockingly, pretending he hadn't been scared out of his wits two seconds earlier.

He didn't recognize the children, which was unsurprising considering how long he had been out of the village, but they had done an admirable job of apprehending Tora.

"Good job, Hanabi!" someone said just behind him. Itachi jumped, but reacted too late to avoid being scooped up.

Hanabi replied to Itachi's captor with nothing more than a small nod of acknowledgment. "See you later, Nee-san," she said before she and her teammates hurried off with their prize.

_Okay, so I recognize the name Hanabi, and if this is Hanabi's older sister than it must be…_Itachi looked up and confirmed his suspicions as Hyuuga Hinata looked down at him, smiling gently. "Tora was chasing you, wasn't he?" she said in a soothing tone, rubbing behind his ears with soft touches that made him purr. "Poor little thing, you're trembling. Don't worry, you're safe now."

Ordinarily, Itachi would have thought being called a 'poor little thing' very condescending, but he had to admit he fit that descriptor very well right now. Besides, Hinata was so far being much nicer and more considerate than anyone else he had run into so far. _I'll at least stick with her until she feeds me,_ he decided. In order to hurry this along, he looked up at her with the most pathetic expression he could manage and mewled piteously.

"Are you hungry?" Hinata asked, pausing in her petting. Itachi nodded vigorously and meowed again. "All right, I'll find you something as soon as we get home," Hinata said, shifting her hold on him so that it was easier for her to walk. Instead of nestling in the crook of her arm as he had been, he found himself settled securely against her shoulder. She was still stroking him, and soon Itachi began to relax more than he had been able to ever since he woke up in this body.

_How long has it been, anyway? Around two weeks, I think. But I don't know how much more of this I can take._

While he would be glad to receive Hinata's care, he couldn't afford to stay with her very long. He would have to get to the Uchiha district soon and find out if there was any chance of getting back into his real body. If he couldn't…Itachi wasn't sure what he would do then. While parts of being a cat hadn't been terrible, and it was interesting to get to know people when they didn't know it was _him_ they were with, he didn't think he could stand being like this permanently. Considering that he had started out as a youngish kitten, the rest of his feline life could be along the lines of fifteen years or more. Even a couple of weeks were already driving him to distraction.

_If it comes to that, I might have to test whether cats really do have nine lives,_ he mused.

"We're almost there," Hinata announced. She prepared to cross a street but froze suddenly, staring at one of the pedestrians on the opposite side. Itachi followed her gaze. _What's her problem with Uzumaki Naruto?_ he wondered.

Itachi was soon going to find out, for Naruto had seen Hinata by this point and was crossing the street towards her. "Hi, Hinata-chan," he said.

Hinata blushed and buried her face in Itachi's fur. Her breathing tickled a little, but not unpleasantly. "Hello, Naruto-kun."

"Is that a cat? I mean, of course it's a cat, but is it yours?"

"He's going to be," Hinata replied. "I just found him."

"What're you going to call him?" Naruto asked.

_Hinata has been nice so far, but if I end up with a name like 'Mr. Snuggles' again that's going to be a dealbreaker,_ Itachi decided.

"Um," Hinata began. "I hadn't thought about that yet."

"Ramen!" Naruto suggested eagerly.

"I think I'm going to call him Hashirama," Hinata stated.

_What? Well, it's better than 'Fluffy' or 'Mr. Snuggles,' that's for sure…_

"Hashirama? That's okay, I guess. Big name for a little cat, though. Anyway, I gotta go or Sakura-chan will be mad at me. Bye!" Naruto dashed off, leaving Hinata standing alone on the sidewalk.

"He's so cuuuuute," Hinata sighed into Itachi's fur.

_Was that what all that was about?_

After that interruption, it only took a couple more minutes for Hinata to arrive at the Hyuuga family compound. To Itachi's delight, she made a beeline for what Itachi could tell from the scent had to be the kitchen.

The kitchen was deserted when Hinata entered with an armful of shopping bags and kitten. Setting the bags on the floor, Hinata deposited Itachi on the counter by the sink. "Stay there, Hashirama-kun," she said, tapping Itachi's nose gently before turning to the task of putting away the groceries.

Itachi curled up on the counter to wait for her to finish. _Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere until I get some food._

Hinata worked efficiently and it was only a short time before all the groceries had vanished except for a small tin of smoked fish. Itachi stared at it eagerly as she approached him again.

"I'll feed you in just a bit, Hashirama-kun. First, though—" Itachi jumped back as Hinata turned on the faucet, and realized what she was up to just too late to avoid being scooped up.

_I can handle personal hygiene just fine on my own, I don't need any girl to bathe me!_ Itachi thought furiously as he squirmed in Hinata's grip. She was determined, however, and a few seconds later Itachi was sitting in a sink full of soapy water.

"I'm sorry, Hashirama-kun!" Hinata said when Itachi nipped her thumb to show how frustrated he was with the situation. "You got so dirty while Tora was chasing you…I can't have you leaving pawprints all over the house."

Itachi remembered diving under the garbage can and decided that she had a point. He didn't have to be happy about it, though, and so he sat stolidly in the sink as Hinata scrubbed his fur.

Finally she lifted him out and set him on a towel. "There, that wasn't so bad, was it, Hashirama-kun?" she said as she emptied the sink.

Itachi sneezed in response and she moved quickly to dry him off. "Look how fluffy you are!" Hinata giggled. "I couldn't tell before. Now, I bet you were waiting for this…" Itachi watched eagerly as she opened the tin of smoked fish and turned it out onto a small plate. As soon as her hands were clear, Itachi pounced on the food. He hadn't eaten anything since Deidara's dango, and while that had been tasty he knew that fish was much better for cats.

After the fish was gone, Hinata pulled the dish away, ignoring Itachi's attempts to chase down the last few tiny scraps. "Don't worry, I'll feed you again soon," she said reassuringly as she picked him up and headed for the door of the kitchen.

Before Hinata could reach the door, it opened to reveal a slightly older Hyuuga boy. "Neji!" Hinata exclaimed. "You're back—you must be hungry, there are groceries—"

Neji began sneezing before Hinata could finish her sentence.

"Neji, are you alright?" Hinata asked, taking a step forward.

Neji waved her back. "Cat!" he gasped between sneezes. "Sorry, Hinata-sama. Don't worry about me, I'll be—" he broke off for another series of sneezes "—fine." With that, he turned and fled from the kitchen.

Itachi looked up to see Hinata's devastated face looking down at him. "Sorry, Hashirama-kun," she murmured. "It looks like this just won't work out."


End file.
